I still feel like a virgin every time I do it. I put too much thought into it, of the pain, of the fear of pregnancy (with protection, even); of how well I can do it (given my inexperience), and even how badly I will do it. I envy the women who can easily go for so much as a small fuck in a bathroom at some restaurant, or even the ones who can do it in a park.
Not only am I afraid of doing it and being unable to do it, but because I doubt I can ever have a stable relationship because of it. Intimacy is a big part of a relationship, yes. Intimacy is what I am capable of. But not sex. And I fear that will be the downfall of my every relationship from now until the future.
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